short term goals (this semester & summer):
(This isn’t a poem as much as it is a total clusterfuck of things I want to write down to get it out of my system)
PSA that you shouldn’t judge or take sides regarding someone else’s broken relationship. Especially when you’re in a group of friends where a lot of people think that they know everything that’s going on between two people that everyone is friends with. You never know what someone is going through, and you judging them or making one into a bad guy in order to make the other feel better most likely will only make them feel worse. Remember, you only know what someone chooses to tell you about it, and it’s really very easy to slight it to your advantage.
John and I recently RE-broke up and are no longer seeing each other, which is weird and hard enough as it is, regardless of the fact that we both are members of a close knit department where everyone knows everything (and we are in a show together and have to see eachother everyday). Regardless, theatre is my life, and this department and the people in it are my life, and so going a day without seeing or hearing about John is impossible. Though no one has judged me or said harsh things about me, recently a lot of people have said things to me about him that make me feel worse, and another couple broke up and I’ve seen so many people make harsh judgement or make one out to be a villain because they like the other more. Having heard both sides of the story from both of them, I think it’s sad that people want to make a situation that’s already hurtful and tough into even more of a headache and heartache. You never know what SOMEONE ELSE’S relationships are like, because the relationships are between those two people.
On the other hand and on a more positive note, there are some people that I love and look up to who have reached out to me because they know I’m sad about it and that kind of support means a lot- especially from the seniors that I’m just becoming friends with who I look up to so much.
This week has been really weird and hard and BUSY because the show is THURSDAY (it’s tech week now) but I’m really grateful to be ending it on a more positive note, especially because I’ve been so sad and missing John so much that sometimes I feel like my stomach is gonna drop out of my body. But at the end of the day, I’m so lucky I get to spend so much time in a theatre because it’s my favorite place in the world, and that is something that won’t even be taken away from me, even though things have been sticky lately.
You know what’s going to be the weirdest thing about becoming an aunt in September? The fact that this kid, my niece or nephew, will be the COUSIN of MY CHILDREN. Like, they’ll spend Christmases together. They’ll be a part of the same generation. They might be friends. They’ll go to each other’s graduation parties.
I miss you I miss you I miss you and having to see your adorable smile everyday and not be able to kiss you and touch you and know that you care is sucky
even when I don’t miss you, I miss you and not only is that dumb but it doesn’t even make sense
There comes a point when I realize it’s not your fault, it’s mine. You can’t control how you feel. I’m the one who can’t leave it alone.